Aidan's going on TWO

Can you believe it? It seems like just yesterday I was complaining that I was "ready to have this baby now" and then that is just what happened. It was a Tuesday night, and that day I worked with a coworker at a construction site walking around piles of dirt for hours, never complaining because I'd only been working a month, but in so much pain my eyes burned. That night I woke up in the middle of the night crying with pains in my upper abdomen, and I knew that couldn't be labor right? I have a high pain tolerance, but it got to wear I was just sitting on the bed sobbing. I got up, got on webmd and searched what that pain may be. I learned that that pain was HELLP - Hemolysis Elevated Liver Enzymes & Low Palate Count - my liver was exploding. It was swelling, stretching the capsule that contains it, and my blood cells were being destroyed. I couldn't see, my vision was gone. So I finally got up at 2am and woke up my husband. I told him it was definately an emergency, so we got in the car and rode to the hospital, not telling anyone in the family. I thought maybe I would just get to go home.

So I was admitted into a room full of women who were in labor. They took my urine and stipped me of my clothes, then took my blood pressure. The woman said the cuff was broken so she returned with another. That cuff didn't work either, so she brought in a manual cuff. She took my blood pressure another two times. Then she walked out calmly. A minute later I had a team of nurses running with my bed, throwing papers in my lap to sign. In a whirl, I caught "Emergency C-Section" and "Siezure" and "Blood pressure is near 300/190". They put me in the big labor and delivery room, the one that I know you don't get unless you are going to have a baby. I have never been more scared in my life.

Then, three nurses begin putting IV's in my arms and hands. I was so swollen they could barely find a vein. They started pumping me full of this aweful medicine - Magnesium Sulfate - that would control my blood pressure. I had to be given a catheter, which was horrible. After that, I dont' remember much, the magnesium kinda puts you out. They gave me a shot of steriods, to develop the baby's lungs as much as possible, and prayed that I could make it the 6 hours for the steroids to take effect.

True to their word, six hours later, I was given another sonogram. The doctor said the baby weighed between 2 and 3 pounds, and had a good chance of survival. If I didn't have him today, we could both die. So they took me back for a C-section at 10:00. We finally called some family members, to tell them the news. Aidan was coming early -- 3 months too soon.

When I awoke from recovery, the neonatologist told me that the baby was a lot smaller than they thought. Rather than 29 weeks, as I had thought, the baby was more along the lines of a 26 weeker. He was alive, that was the most important thing to me.

I guess I was just so scared that I didn't want to see him. Several of my family saw him before I ever laid eyes on him. I thought maybe if I never saw him, it wouldn't hurt so much if he didn't live. I did go look at him almost 2 days after his birth, when I was finally allowed to get off the bed. That was the scariest thing I ever saw. He was so tiny, you could hold him in one hand. We took our wedding rings off and slid them up his arm. His foot was the size of the last bend of my finger. His head could be held between two fingers. His skin was translucent, you could see his heart beeting. He had tubes everywhere.

Can you believe that my one pound baby was on a ventilator for only 3 days? He was on a cpap for 4 days. He had NO brain bleeds. He only had 3 blood transfusions. He gained weight every single day in NICU (after he lost that first 6 ounces) and only ONE day he didn't gain-he stayed the same. He was only in NICU for 63 days, coming home well before his due date! What a strong little boy!

Now look at him, into everything. He is so sweet, so well behaved. He is funny, smart, and creative. Can you believe he does imaginary play with his people and he's not even 2? Other than taking his sweet time to walk, he is absolutely perfect.

There is no miracle like my Aidan. Aidan makes me believe in miracles, he makes me believe in God. I had never wanted anything in my life more than I wanted him. I have never prayed for anything the way I prayed for my tiny boy. And if I can never have children again, I was blessed with the best child of all.